i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize