Swine flu. Run for my life!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I feel like a drive thru vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
