I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
