can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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