One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize