I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
