Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
