hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize