toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
