when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize