It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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