Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just had sex on a roof
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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