Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
