hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I wear drunk well.
Randomize