I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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