dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
