walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
