sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
