Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
