Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
