My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
