they need to just BURY HIM!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
