Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
