I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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