I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
