so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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