She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She needs sedatives and a leash
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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