I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
