WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
