Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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