So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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