Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
