i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
