This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
