I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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