just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
