Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
