I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I met the friendliest cop last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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