i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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