I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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