grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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