I wish I could teleport
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
