I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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