you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
