I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
