on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
