i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
