Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
