I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Randomize
