So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
