he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
