perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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