it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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