haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
