I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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