Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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