just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
