Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
