So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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