man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
