I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
