Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
