he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
