what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
